The older I become the more I see the value of vitamins. I take three supplements in the morning: vitamin C, an all-purpose man pill, and an energy pill. (I am NOT a pill poppin’ person!) My body will let me know when I am run down, sick, or just feeling the effects of age. I need supplements to keep me healthy.
As a youth pastor, I too often believed that the family should revolve around my calendar. I had demands and quotas to meet. Then I had children. Then they became teenagers. Then God softened my heart and told me the truth: youth ministry is a supplement – not the main course. I had to retrain my thinking about the families in my church.
I started referring to our parents meetings as “Vitamin C.” The “C” stood for connecting, change, courage, and as many other c words I could come up with. I wanted our families to start getting the picture that I was not there to tell them how to raise or disciple their kids. I wanted to empower them.
There will come a day when the gap of influence with students grows and the gap between parents and us will shrink. Family thinking will prepare us for that day.
Take this little true-or-false quiz below to see how you are doing:
- I have several parents helping plan events and programs.
- My conversations with parents go beyond telling them what time to have their kids at the church for the event.
- I have been in more than one home this month visiting with parents.
- I communicate (e-mail, newsletter, etc.) with parents often.
- I provide resources (books, video series, etc.) to parents to help with their children.
- I have prayed recently with parents for their kids.
If you answered false to half or more, you may want to look out your window for pitchforks and torches. The uncommunicative youth worker is begging for trouble. Youth workers face the demands of their family, pastor, and students; but it is the parents who could make or break us.
I have two teenaged children, and I am always looking for an edge to keep up with them. After twenty years of ministering to teens, I now look to the youth leaders of my church for the added boost I need with my own kids. I need a regular dose of spiritual vitamins – nutrients that most families are looking for your youth ministry to provide.
• Vitamin A (attitude) helps to prevent infection and is needed to maintain a healthy immune system. A poor attitude is the infection that kills more youth ministries than anything else. If parents see you as a valuable resource, you’ll spend more time ministering and less time trying to save or keep your job. Spend time in prayer and the Word, forgive much, hold that tongue, and you will prevent many of the infections that do good youth workers in.
• Vitamin D (discipline, discipleship) is essential for the maintenance of healthy bones and teeth. How are you at strengthening the family frame of discipleship? You could offer online Bible studies or devotions for the family to do together. They could complement your weekly lessons or monthly themes. Take the role of personal trainer with their parents. Have them make suggestions about how you can create a personal discipleship/training program for their kids.
• Vitamin C (caring, connecting, and courage) helps to heal wounds and protects the immune system. Is your youth ministry a healer, or is it causing wounds of irritation and frustration? If you are not connecting with parents, go to where they are. Take them to lunch, have monthly fellowships with them, and have a blog or weekly e-newsletter where they can get information and encouragement.
Let me encourage you to retool your youth ministry as a resource for families. If you do, you’ll be so busy writing spiritual prescriptions you won’t find the time or the heart to write a resignation letter.